10 Things I’ve Learned From Three Years of Running

1.  Trail running can lead to secluded fantasy-inducing encounters with sexy, and often sweat soaked, women or men.

2.  Sadly, he or she may have a different take on the matter.

3.  You will have to poop on some of your runs.

4.  Whether or not you do (doo?) depends on how far you’ve run.

5.  After a run, you may, occasionally, be too tired for sex.

6.  If you’re turning down sex because you’re tired, I hate you.

7.  Runners resent runners that don’t acknowledge other runners.  Even a hand-raise pseudo wave will suffice.  Ignore me altogether, and I will take your mother out to a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.

8.  You will be asked for money, even if it’s obvious you don’t have pockets.

9. Dogs, and likely other animals, will scare the shit out of you at some point during a run.  This includes surprise spiders webs.

10.  You make puke at some point during a run, though hopefully not on the side of 441 during rush hour, while a convertible full of sorority girls laugh hysterically as they snap photos of you on the iPhones, the locations of which remain unknown despite various “puke” and “run” related Google searches…

Oh, any by the way,

LSU 21 –  Trent Richa…err…Alabama 24


About Benjamin Markus

I am a 32-year-old runner living in Gainesville, FL.
This entry was posted in Advice, tips and tricks and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s